Embracing Motherhood: By Maja Scott
So, let me take you back to last July, when Andy and I made a decision that sounded both thrilling and terrifying at the same time—trying for a baby. Now, Andy was practically jumping for joy at the idea, but for me, it was more like a slow dance with uncertainty. Unlike those women who've had baby fever since forever, I never quite felt that overwhelming urge to have kids. You know, the kind where you see a baby and suddenly start cooing, "I need one of these!" That never happened to me, and it made me feel different from other women and that maybe being a mom wasn't what I wanted.
Embracing Change
When the baby talk finally hit our conversations, my mind went into overdrive with fears and worst case scenarios. What if I lost myself in motherhood and ended up resenting this tiny human? Or worse, what if I turned into this exhausted, nagging version of myself, neglecting Andy and our relationship until it crumbled? These thoughts really scared me because I adore my life as it is, and Andy and I share something truly special. I didn't want to risk losing that.
These fears held me in their grip so tightly that I postponed taking the pregnancy test for a whole week when my period was late. It was as if acknowledging the possibility meant facing a reality I wasn’t sure I was ready for. On the sixth day of not taking the test, I forced myself to sit down with Mikis and blurt it all out. ‘I’m afraid I'll resent being a mother’, ‘I’m scared that I'll turn into a nagging bitch and ruin my relationship’. And Mikis just responded to me, ‘You will, but you have me and Andy to help and guide you out of it. Just decide that you will strongly consider my advice when the time comes, you don’t even have to decide if you’ll take my advice - just that you will strongly consider it, and you will be fine’. And with that, he told me to take the test. I ran into the bathroom, took the test, and saw the little plus sign, I ran back to Papa Bear and nodded, and together we yelled it out on the top of our lungs to the rest of the community that was scattered in Casablanca:'I AM PREEEGNAAANT. I was so relieved and proud that I faced my fears and did the thing that scared me, and I then knew if I could do it, then I can do it again and again and again in the future.
Our First Family Photo
Sharing these fears and anxieties with Andy was another turning point. His response was simple yet profound: "Great, now we know what we're up against. These fears aren’t certain outcomes but rather potential risks, challenges we can look out for." Knowing the pitfalls ahead meant we could navigate them together when they popped up. These fears? Just my mind playing tricks on me, my mistrust questioning if I'm capable of handling the change and growth.
Sure, I'm in love with how things are now, but what about the future? Life's not a static painting; it's a wild, evolving masterpiece. Who wants to stay in the same place forever? Not me! I realize that stagnation is the enemy of my happiness, and embracing change is my ticket to new adventures, even if they seem daunting at first.
Pregnant Sisters in it Together!
And through all of this, Mikis and the community have helped me soo much. They have helped guide me to become clear on what kind of mom I want to be, and that is a happy mom. But what does that mean? This is something that Niloufar discovered while taking care of Amelie, that a happy mom is a selfish mom, and this really resonated and stuck with me, and i've chosen to make this my guiding light on my path to becoming a mother. Because if I make sure I don’t put my own needs and aspirations aside and make everything about the baby, then I don’t have to worry about losing myself and resenting the baby. And if I focus on being a happy, selfish mum that keeps my little one fed, changed, and alive, I can know that I am a good enough mother, I don’t need to constantly dote and entertain my baby, only when I feel like it. And I am sure that this will not only help me navigate motherhood and make me a happy mother but it will also set a great example for my kid growing up, that being selfish is good.
So, while I can’t predict the future, I can choose to approach it with courage and an open heart. I am grateful for the insights these last few months have brought me. Now me and Andy know what we are dealing with, the fears to look out for and the choice to embark on a new path of becoming a guilt free, selfish, happy mom. And the thought of a tiny human, a little goober pickle, a blend of Andy and me, experiencing life’s wonders alongside us, fills me with a mix of excitement and awe. It isn't just about creating a family; it’s about nurturing a new chapter and endless possibilities.
Happy Mom = Happy Baby!
Ready for New Adventures!
