My whole life has been very idealistic.

My previous couple years before coming to Tierra Mitica for the Mythic Voyage, life could have been described as scattered, floating, confusing, frustrating, painful, dreamy, psychedelic, hopeful, a self-discovery journey to say the least.

The most pride I take, work wise, was my ability to land the dream-coveted position of being one of Canada’s iconic, MuchMusic VJ’s. I put on the mask, was convinced it was me, “lights, camera, action!” – I’m now on TV.

Fast forward 2 1/2 very confusing years of being on live television, broadcast across the country, being recognized for being “that girl from MUCH” with the tattoos, big personality and “positive attitude” – I started to feel I didn’t want to do it anymore. Ratings were dropping with the rise of social media, big lay offs were happening, and I was being called to move to the little “hippie island” my sister lived on, on the west coast of British Columbia.

I quit.

I donated my “TV clothes” and moved myself to Salt Spring Island. I moved into a 1 bedroom cabin with my cat and did what people our age on the island do. Go to dances, explore nature and eat psychedelics. My eyes (3^rd eye especially) were blown wide open. I would never go back to “the mainstream.”

I thought I had escaped the matrix! I have since discovered that I went from being balls deep in one false reality, swimming up, up, out only to dive straight into the depths of another. Fuck.

I didn’t want to work. I refuse to be a sucker with a normal 9-5. Fuck society. What would my ex co-workers in TV say if I they heard I was working in a coffee shop? Why hasn’t anyone seen my, new found “truths” through Instagram, called and offered me my dream position of hosting something on-camera that was more real? Offering to help me create a platform to share my new knowledge?

I met a boy, I wanted to help, fix, “save” him. I started taking psychedelics with him, often. We spent our days together exploring nature. We disconnected more and more from reality. Humans seemed foreign, what planet were we from? He told me he was going to Southeast Asia, Thailand to start, I wanted to come. I was getting paid by brands, to promote their products through my social media, I was getting less and less jobs. I got rid of my cabin, my mom now has my cat and off I went to Asia for 4 months, on my credit card.

Things only went downhill from there. I tried but I couldn’t settle down. I was permanently elevated off Earth. Taking small doses of all sorts of psychedelics (mushrooms, LSD, DMT, etc.) almost daily. I needed to, life was boring without, with, I saw everything as synchronistic. Going completely vegan, without putting much thought into healthy fats or proteins. I couldn’t think. I had no motivation. I was beyond lost. I started to attend Ayahuasca circles, I was sure she would save me! Nope.

I drove to California. I slept in my Honda Civic hatchback, went to music festivals and hopped from friend’s couch-to-couch. What was I doing? Praying. I always felt safe. Running. Searching.

I had friends that had gone to the heavy duty, intensive, life transformational workshop, “The Mythic Voyage” at Tierra Mitica in Peru and it had completely transformed their lives. I had wanted to go a year prior but I couldn’t make it happen financially. Eli, who lives at Tierra Mitica and I became friends on Facebook, she would check in on me every once and a while. At the Oregon Eclipse festival, I camped with my friend Ty (who had successfully completed 2 Mythic Voyages!) and his partner Tanis. They were dropping Tierra Mitica slang all weekend “Everything is exactly, DELICIOUSLY as it should be” “Trust!” “It’s about choice.” Tanis was attending the November Mythic Voyage, I too was “fucked”, I got under the table work and signed myself up.

I had looked to be prepped by a handful of friends on what to expect at Tierra Mitica. After attempting to prep me, they all said the same thing, “Uhhh, we can’t really describe the Mythic Voyage, you have to just go. Oh, and whatever happens, DON’T QUIT!! TRUST!!!”

My intention going to Tierra Mitica was to get clear direction, to help me move forward. To get myself out of this hippie portal and to get rid of my anxiety and all the swirly things inside of me that made me feel like something is wrong.

My process at Tierra Mitica was definitely transformational, both internally and externally! Visual proof, here’s me before the Voyage begun and after!

This workshop is full on!

We did deep focused work for 12 plus hours a day (plus 2 nights of Ayahuasca) for 11 days. Most of my time was spent with the 11 other workshop participants (Argonauts), Mikis (our workshop leader) and his two assistants, in a small hut in the high jungle. It was everything. Everything I needed to face at this time, I was faced with. It was all tucked, perfectly packaged into the workshop as if it was custom designed for me! I was to focus for hours on end (something I believed I wasn’t capable of from a very young age), I was to be amongst people (for 24 hours a day!!!), I was to be open to, just for this workshop, everything on the menu (I had made myself vegetarian then vegan, 10 years prior). I was to fully trust the team (something that is hard for someone who has needed to be in control for her whole life), I was to even trust them to give me a make-over (I held my physical identity so close). I trembled, full body shook in resistance, doing my best to keep my mouth shut, as they chopped my hair, dyed it brown and put me in a dress. The idea was to strip me back of my “cool looks” and to feel what something different feels like, so I could move forward with the ability to make different choices if I wanted to. I wasn’t allowed to interrupt (errrg, BUT, BUT!). “OH YEAH!” took me, over and over again. From finding out what I’m most good at (You can find this Ayahuasca journey on MY NEW BLOG!!! ---> www.mymythiclife.com <---) to the realization that I had been fake my whole life, in order to impress the people I didn’t like, because I thought they were fake! This fear of not being liked stretches far and wide into most of my struggles, my day to day life, this story will be coming to my blog very soon too, titled “What If Nobody Likes Me, Grandmother?”. Everyone was a reflection of me, my past and present struggles, we were all there, literally helping each other work through all parts of ourselves because guess what, ALL HUMANS ARE IDENTICAL and guess what, I LOVE HUMANS!

Mikis, I love you. I feel SO honored to get to call you my teacher. You have been able to show me, what I need to be shown, in a way that could actually get through to me. No floof, but this is the real deal, truly the Grandmother Ayahuasca, embodied. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you everyone that was a part of this journey. Family.

I left Tierra Mitica a newly hatched baby bird, getting more strength by day, preparing her wings to fly. I am saying no to drugs, no to spiritual fluff theories, no to dressing myself up to look “cool”, yes to taking myself more seriously, yes to new friends, yes to writing and sharing my story, yes to applying myself, yes to motivation, yes to new ways of thinking, yes to trusting, yes to getting reference points (a home, a job, soon hopefully a man!), yes to eating varieties of all foods, yes to only giving a fuck if it serves my happiness, yes to doing the work and YES to life!

Anyone considering attending a workshop with Tierra Mitica, should you go? The answer is YES!

Anyone NOT considering attending a workshop with Tierra Mitica, should you go? The answer is a DEFINITE FUCK YES!

I’ve tried on masks and called it transformation my whole life. This time it’s internal, this time it’s REAL.

Welcome, Phoebe Dykstra 2.0!!!

Pam – Pa – Ram –Pa – Ram –Pa – Pa – Pa - Ram- Pa – Ram!!!!!!!!!!